names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
