his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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