eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
