i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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