I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
