before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
