should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
