We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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