I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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