I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
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Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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