Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
