i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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