please come you make the beer taste better
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
