Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
