Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
