i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
zippers are such a cool invention
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
birth control should be required to get into college
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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