My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
