you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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