I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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