just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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