So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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