So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
