so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
