We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
