Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
