i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick very happy bro
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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