Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
did i just pee glitter
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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