he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
