i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
