I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
