I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
