jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I want to be your penis for a week.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
