I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
