I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Holy sore nipples Batman
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
