My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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