My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
