I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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