He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
