chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
