dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
