Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize