I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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