not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
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the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
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I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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