i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im holly from the hills drunk
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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