Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?