I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.