Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought