ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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