dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
