Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
