dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
