How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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