I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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