its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
