WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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