she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
