We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
