I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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