when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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