His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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