I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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