Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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