Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
