I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
