Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
