I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
