I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
