Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
