Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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