I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
