Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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