I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
