So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
