morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
