Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
