Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
